DAY 7 & Still Going Strong

We are on DAY 7. I have nicknamed this summer as Mission Impossible. Each day is action-packed and  involves intellect, heroics, and scheming villains. Don't judge, but it helps me cope to live outside of reality every now and then. If only life were like the movies.

Figuring It Out......

 For the first few days, I stared at these creatures, they very ones I helped create, wondering how I will make it out alive. My survival instincts said to run….and don’t look back.  

Due to bad knees and the fact that I suck at running, I decided it was best I stood my ground.

This was my new mantra:

Don’t make eye contact and stand very still…..maybe they will sniff around for a bit and then go off to chase the squirrels………

Ok, maybe that comparison is a bit harsh, but I sometimes feel like I am at odds with a rabid animal. Kids are smart. They scheme to get what they want. Their skillful maneuvers bring havoc and attempt to break you down.  Their instincts are impeccable, especially when they have you backed into a corner.

 I love these little minions that now occupy my every waking moment. I do. Really….. But I am also a person that loves her quiet, “ME” time. I believe this stems from being an only child. Back in the day, I could shut off my mind and write, read, or just be. 

It's all about survival......

I have survived hourly attacks from these little humans….the very ones that inherited my husband’s smart a** personality and my incessant need to always be right.  My Mom and God are laughing at this, I am sure.

Karma sure dealt us a great hand. I curse her daily.

 After spending a bad day of swearing at my good friend, Karma, I am tired. Also a bit bitter. There are moments when I google summer camps that last ALL summer, no matter the cost.  A second mortgage would be an easy fix to the headaches and bickering.

But, I only Google....I never actually complete the registration. I’d miss them. Most of the time.

I chose this SAHM life. My husband and I made the decision while we were sober, coherent, and of sound mind. I just need to get over my own doubts and insecurities.

Sharing our Day........

When my husband asks about our day, I am sometimes guilty of not sharing the good stuff.  I feel remorseful that he cannot suffer enjoy what happens while he is at the office.  In fairness to him, I created him a letter/list:  

Dear Craig,

If I forget to tell you about our day, please know that it is not intentional.  I just fear that speaking of these events may cause flashbacks. And since I know you hate when I cry, please accept this as a substitute to a verbal discussion.

*Disclaimer: For the most part, these are daily occurrences, but they are subject to change without warning.

1.)    Answered repeated inquiries about our daily agenda.  

2.)    Ignored proclamations of boredom. 

3.)    Calmed cries of frustration when they realized we are not going to town (AKA – spend money). And you said saving money was my weakness. HA! 

4.)    Scrubbed mysterious stuff, which I swear were dried boogers (or cereal…or toothpaste, or gum, or something icky from outside that I don’t want to identify) from the stair railings. 

5.)    Questioned, silently of course, their intelligence when they cannot grasp the concept of why we placed towel holders in the bathrooms.  

6.) Washed a load of towels, unable to distinguish which ones were still clean and which ones were not. (Refer to #5 above)

Love,

Your Wife

P.S If you can't locate me....check the closet.

P.P.S

If not in closet, secure the perimeters and question the children. They may look innocent, but don't believe a word they say.

Surprisingly, I don't miss my old normal...... 

My day sometimes pales in comparison to my husband’s. He shares tales of meetings, working lunches, and planning strategies for multi-million dollar projects. These excite him. He thrives off the turmoil and anticipates the growth that the corporate world offers.

That use to be me. My old normal savored the adrenaline rush of deadlines, procedures, and management. I would react and get a high from strategy meetings, sales numbers and planning for company growth. At the same time, though, these things would also strip me bare. Leaving no room to enjoy my family once I got home. I just wanted to crawl under the covers and sleep it off.

Will I ever want to live in that other world again? I honestly don’t know.

Pursuing my writing will bring changes to our family dynamic. These will bring changes that I chose, not ones I settled for. My family supports me and I am grateful.

I am interested to see how our summer adventure will turn out. I’m scared, yet find that I’m also excited and curious.  It’s like watching those shark shows……you know a person will be eaten or mangled…….you know there will be blood, mutilation, and carnage……..…yet, you still watch.

I foresee a lot of adjustment this summer....mostly for me.

Stay tuned my friends. It's about to get interesting.

  

Hi, my name is Jennifer…..and I am a Stay-At-Home Mom Newbie

There is one & a half days left of the school year…..mere hours left until my Dear Diva Child and Handsome Middle Child are no longer entertained by others for 8 hours.  Summer has finally arrived.   

I am feeling a bit anxious about having my children all to myself for the first time since my last maternity leave….almost 9 years ago.  I am not counting weekends, extended holidays, or vacations. We have these down to a science.  

My time has been spent wondering how many other parents are taking this plunge. Leaving the busy working world outside the home to spend time with their kids? How many are trying to juggle a fledgling dream while trying to figure out how to tolerate the kids 24/7?

 Are there support groups that we newbies can attend? Do I get a special coin or reward if I survive these next 3 months? Who can help me with the important questions I have?

Should I have visited my doctor for anxiety meds?

Are cocktails allowed at any hour? If not, what hour is acceptable?

   I had relished being able to flip off the “Mom” switch (or at least dimming it a bit) while I headed off to work. Yes, I still received those phone calls regarding where they placed their shoes, if I ate the last cookie, and if they could have a friend over. But, once I answered their questions I could disconnect again.  I would arrive back around 5:30 and flip the switch back on for a few hours. Then it was bed time and I was “off” again.

These “off” times were filled with exhaustion and guilt. Guilt that I was not home with my kids. Guilt that I was OK with not being home. Exhaustion from leading 2 lives: My work life and home life...…with a majority of my day spent with my work family.

 

Be Careful of What You Ask For……

I asked for this. I begged for the opportunity. I looked my husband in the eye 6 months ago and told him, “It’ll be no problem! I can do it. Trust me.”

Fast forward 6 months…….

Me: “Only 1 more week left! Are you excited?”

Middle Child: “Mom, we only have 2 ½ more days. We get out Wednesday, not Friday.”

Me: “You don’t go until next Friday?”

Middle Child: “No. Mom. And don’t forget Wednesday is a half-day….”

Me: “Well, crap……”



Photo Credit:

https://flic.kr/p/9jE2nc

 

Summer had not even started and I already had one mark against me.  

 

A piece of cake….right? (Just nod and humor me….)

Super Mom is a fictional character we like to conjure up in our minds. This dream is unrealistic and often causes us to feel more discouraged than we already are. I have accepted that I am real and that's alright. I am not, nor will I ever be a SUPER MOM.   My kids love me just the same......I hope.

 

Pushing doubt aside is difficult.  There are books to better prepare me for this adventure, but I am winging it. I have successfully raised three kids without once losing them or giving them away….so far. And I feel accomplished that I have 1 child that is technically an adult and I have never had to bail her out of jail.  Who needs a stinking book!?

Being myself is less stressful.

There will be bumps, bruises, scratches and the occasional screaming but I have faith that our household will make it.  I am clueless about how the dynamics will change by having the kids ALL day without hubby as a buffer. Or having school to provide constant interaction. I have booked a few camps, so hopefully this will allow us some time apart to regroup and remember that we love each other. (Keep your fingers crossed!)

 

 

 

 

Top 3 Summer Goals in BFE

1.)    Blogging a bit more and share my adventures and mishaps.

2.)    Start my book and possibly fail a few times. (see last week’s post)

3.)    Enjoy my kids and treasure the laughter, tears, and time.